


The Heartagram Girl's Dream

by VampyricFaerie (Zaviara)



Category: Bandom, HIM (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Melancholy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-29
Updated: 2012-03-29
Packaged: 2017-11-02 16:46:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/371205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zaviara/pseuds/VampyricFaerie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The melancholic thoughts of a bereaved girlfriend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Heartagram Girl's Dream

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is just a one shot HIM ficlet that I wrote a while back (Pre-2006) after listening to 'Beautiful' a few too many times. There's bound to be spelling/grammatical errors, no matter how many times I've gone over it, so I apologise for them in advance.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not know or own the band HIM or its members, nor do I own the lyrics to their song 'Beautiful' that are featured in this story or the heartagram symbol. This is totally fictional and has just come from my mind. I also do not wish to make money from it.

I ran my hands slowly over your chest, my fingers lingering for a second over the new heartagram tattoo that surrounded your left nipple. I looked up at you.

‘Just gorgeous,’ I thought, before looking back down and running my hand further down your torso. Again I let my fingers linger over the heartagram tattoo, this time the one on your pelvis. Beautiful just like you; it’s creator. I traced it slightly before laying my head down on your stomach, and closing my eyes.

It was wonderful being with you. Your sweet scent cleared my head of bad thoughts. Your touch sent delightful shivers through me. Just one look of those entrancing eyes and everything would be perfect. The same wonderful eyes that never seemed to make up their mind what colour they truly were.  
“I love you,” I heard you say quietly, as you began stroking my hair. I smiled into your chest as you said this, and snuggled closer.  
“I love you too.”

That night had been a terrible nightmare until you had came and turned it into a beautiful dream. It was amazing how easily your words and actions could change so much, in so little time. All you would need to do was say 'stop', smile one of your gorgeous smiles, and all pain would be erased. You wiped my tears, picked me up, and carried me back to your room, and there we lay.

I smiled again as you kissed the top of my head and put your arms around me, my eyes still closed. You lay your head on mine slightly, and began to sing almost inaudibly into my ear.  
“Just one look into your eyes, just one look and I’m crying, ‘cause you’re so beautiful. Just one kiss and I’m alive, one kiss and I’m ready to die, ‘cause you’re so beautiful...”

I sighed, lying against the gravestone. A tear was trickling down my face, no sound escaping my mouth. With you it had always been wonderfully magical, and always so beautiful. When I was sad, you’d comfort me. When I was angry, you’d calm me down. If I cried you’d wipe away my tears. If I had a problem… You were always there for me, until that morning. That morning, of which I will never forget. I was in your arms, but you weren’t there.

“Ville…” I mumbled shaking you, “Ville, please wake up.”

You had always been a heavy sleeper, but now you were beyond sleep. I lay back into your arms, wishing that it wasn’t true. Pretending and almost believing that you really were just asleep. You had known it would happen though, you had left hints all night, telling me in your own special way you wouldn’t be with me for much longer. I smiled, you were still thinking about how I’d feel even though you didn’t have much time. You knew this had been the best way to tell me, and for me to deal with it.

I stroked my heartagram tattoo; you had paid for it that day, before you left me to record your last song. Everything you had done that day had been for everyone but you. The song for the fans, the jamming/recording session for the band, and the meal, club and tattoo for me.

We didn’t have a traditional funeral for you; we knew you didn’t like how the priest went on. We had our own ceremony instead, one that I’m sure you’d be proud of. We got you a wonderfully carved gravestone, designed by all of us, and I’m sitting here right now, 5 years after your death. You’re still a rock hero. You’re still remembered for your wonderful nature and amazing lyrical content. But I don’t know whether I can stay here without you physically being here much longer. You had tried your best to make it so the rest of my life would be as happy as it could be, I'd worked that out, but you were my life. Linsi and his family have helped so much, but what I feel has also rubbed off on him. He misses you too. I haven’t seen any of the other guys for a while - Gas and Burton for 3 years, Migè a year and a half - but they couldn’t help anyway, Linsi tired his hardest, but not even he can help now. We’ve been with you from the start, and all of those wonderful memories are both amazing and painful to think back on. There’s only one person who can help us. You. You, with your beautiful smile, amazing eyes, and soothing voice.

There were many things we've said to each other that I've been thinking about lately. Promises that I made to you, that I’d never do anything stupid to myself. I promised myself, I’d never do anything stupid, because you asked me not to. But without you, those promises seem like nothing. There isn’t much left for me in this life any more. But a promise is a promise, and the one to you I will never break. All I want is to be with you, but I know I can’t leave Linsi to deal with everything. I know you would want me to stay here with him. So stay I will, but it won’t ever be the same.

Leaning against your gravestone I hugged it slightly, my hair falling over my face.  
“Please come back to me…” I whispered, as another tear dropped, “Please come back.”


End file.
